Move #27

You probably guessed it by now.  All this minimizing and changes we’ve been making were really just leading up to a new chapter in our lives, and for me it meant: Move #27.

So at this point in our story, we don’t know where we are going or what we will do, but we know we’re leaving.  We set a goal to get out of here by January 2018 and that’s what just has to happen!  So the planner in me, as you have come to know, set out to get this done in phases.  Phase 1: my closet, Phase 2: my momentos, Phase 3: Furniture, and Phase 4: Reboot.  Now that Phase 1 and 2 are pretty much complete, I thought I’d take a moment to tell you how this all came about.

One could say this was a lifetime in the making.  Having been blessed to have the parents that I did, who took the time to open our minds with travel, and always be open to trying new things, it’s no surprise that I simply couldn’t settle on the mundane.

That’s not to insult anyone who continues to live the life that I used to live.  If that works for you and you are happy, then I am happy for you.  But if you’re like me, and you have this inner voice, this feeling, that you just don’t belong – then don’t settle.

For me, it was kind of an explosion of emotion, my inner voice literally yelling at me, causing me to physically and mentally break down, before I realized it was truly time that things needed to change.

In January 2017 I had an intense moment of anxiety and it felt like I was not in control.  I had to leave my office and couldn’t return for 5 days.  I remember very vividly walking to an appointment the following day, and asking myself over and over ‘how will I cross this street’?

For those of you who know me will naturally start to worry in this moment – please don’t.  It was dramatic in my world and in my mind, but it didn’t require any medical attention and was absolutely the best thing that could happen to me.  A rude awakening.  I was so unhappy but not strong enough to make the decision for myself, so my body and mind did it for me.  I was kind of relieved you know?  You keep going because you can, and because you’re good at what you do and because it’s the life you think you want, but eventually reality does hit.

It took me several months to reach what started to feel like a normal state again.  It’s a strange feeling.  Moments that would make me happy in the past would occur, and yet happiness felt just out of reach.  Like a little farther than what I could grasp.  But I did get there again, and only because of the changes I decided to make.

Obviously I quit my job, but luckily was able to do it in the most professional way possible.  I was lucky to have such understanding and caring people in my life, including both my ex manager (from the job I quit) and my current manager (for the job I landed after).  My friends were there for me in a way I didn’t know was part of the capacity of our relationships.  My boyfriend was by my side in a way that I believe brought us closer.  It gave me the courage to make things happen.

So the dream that was always in the back of my mind just had to be the priority.  Every decision made from that point onwards was all part of the plan, whether I knew it or not.

Move #27 was going to be the move of all moves.  Definitely not the last, but lasting.

I leave you with this very funny note I found when scanning all my momentos.  It was a list titled “Things I Need To Change In My Life”, and written in 2001.  I was 16 and clearly concerned!

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